Free and Compulsory for All
Publisher: Graywolf Press
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Selections from Free and Compulsory
for All
Heartbeat
One night a retired teacher was sitting at home watching telvision with his wife. In his old age he had moved far out in the country to be away from the lights and nameless young people. The retired teacher got the urge to go outside an take a walk. He told his wife and went to get his coat. He took his flashlight off the shelf and put it in his pocket. Then he stepped out into the night. He looked at the stars and the distant blue-black sky. Taking a deep breath he walked straight away from his house over the brown hills. After a time he turned around and walked back.
When the got near the house he could see a man standing by his car with a large metal can and a rubber hose. The man was siphoning gasoline out of the retired teacher's car. Surprised to see someone so far out in the country, the teacher approached. Standing next to the man he could see it was an ex-student. He took the flashlight out of his pocket and aimed it at the open gas cap to help the other man see. After a time he said, "Please leave me a gallon or two. I have to go to town tomorrow to do errands." The man looked up at the teacher, dropped his hose and began to run away.
"Hey!" the teacher called, waving his light after the funning man. "You've forgotten your gas can and rubber hose." But the man only ran faster. The teacher shrugged and turned to go inot the house. As he turned he could see his wife standing in the doorway.
"Why, You old fool," she said. "You could have gotten yourself hurt."
"What do you mean?" the retired teacher said. "I had my flashlight."
Popularity (Two)
There was a fat girl. Not only was she fat but she was ugly. Her eyes were two tiny sees planted in the puffy discolored field of her face. Her lips were the scarred banks of a murky irrigation ditch. Her nose was
a cauliflower sloweret. There was nothing good-looking about her. Maybe philosophically ugliness is beautiful and maybe a beautiful
representation of an ugly thing can please the eye, but in school philosophy is bunk. She was not popular.
There was a boy who looked very ordinary. He might not be in the pupular crowd but nothing about him indicated that he should be an outcast. Except for one thing.
The ordindary boy's one problem was that he thought he might be homosexual. Many of his classmates
were sure he was. When he walked he set his food down flat then rocked forward onto his toes to take
another step. That was a sure sign.
The fat girl and the ordinary boy ran around with a few other students, mostly fat
or ugly or peculiar. After knowing each other for over three terms, the fat girl and the ordinary boy
began to talk of their problems.
"The fear of the body," he said, running his hand through his hair.
"What are we meant to be," she replied, looking at her feet. The girl had never
been touched by a boy; the boy had never tried to touch a girl. They began to go out, just the two
of them. The stayed away from talk of aesthetics, going to baseball games, movies, for walks along
the river. Thats what they mostly did- walk along the river in full view of the other walkers. Everyone stared.
Just to find out they began to kiss goodnight. He pressed himself against her. She felt
his heartbeat through all her layers. One night she invited him in. They sat on the couch in the dark and made out.
He began to unbutton her blouse. She moved to stop him, then realized thats why theyd begun- to find out.
He put his hand inside her blouse, reached around and unsnapped her bra. She gasped. Her breasts
fell like water rushing free when a dam breaks. She felt ashamed, then proud. This was herself, this mound
of soft flesh, larger than anything he'd ever seen. She arched her back, lifted a breast breast
with one hand, and pulled him closer with the other. When he came close, she could feel him getting hard.
After a time they stopped and the boy went home. That was the end. He wasn't any surer than before. And she didn't
feel different. They kept going out for walks but never spoke of their night. What could come of a possibly
homosexual ordinary boy and a fat ugly girl?